Silent but Deadly
by ZombieCatTookMyPudding
Summary: Seriously? I'M the first to do this? I can't believe that NOBODY else has poked fun at this yet. I mean, really! Stealth Elf may as well be wearing a sign on her back that says, "go ahead, mess with my catchphrase". (Dark humor/parody. One-shot.)


**A/N**

**Well, _someone_ had to do it. Really, how could you not?**

**UPDATE: As Sorcerer SMC pointed out, I'm not the first to write a Stealth Elf farting fanfic, but I've kept it truer to the saying to use as a weapon of mass destruction rather than...M-rated reasons.**

* * *

It was normally at this hour in the morning that Stealth Elf would go out to train, but was so hungry, she couldn't train on an empty stomach.

Opening the door to the fridge, she poked her head in to see what was inside. Nothing more than the usual: bread, eggs...wait, what was _this_? A small bowl was covered by a thick plastic wrap. Peeling back the cover, Stealth Elf hummed at the spicy smell of chili that hit her nose. Chili was a weird thing to have for breakfast but...nothing else in the fridge caught her interest.

* * *

"Mmm...that was good!" Stealth Elf declared once she had finished. Standing up to go put the bowl in the sink, a sharp pain hit her stomach. "Woah!" Instinctively, she clutched it and scrunched her eyes tight. "Oh...I _knew_ I shouldn't have eaten that!" she cried as she began to sweat.

Her white eyes sprung open as she heard her stomach growl loudly. "Uh-oh." Cringing, she prepared herself for the inevitable embarrassment that was to follow whenever someone ate food that was _that_ spicy...the ever-so-dreaded...fart.

All of her body but froze as several spouts of heat slipped out of her without a sound. Stealth Elf was surprised they weren't so loud. "Huh." For a moment, she thought it was over as she stood up again, but a pang even worse than the last one seemed to force her body still as a statue as two, three, four soundless toots more snuck out. "I-"-her usually green face was now as red as Chef Pepper Jack- "NEED. A BATHROOM!"

As if on command, her ninja-like farts propelled her out of the kitchen, and to the nearest toilet. Stealth Elf didn't even question it. She just needed a toilet so badly, she didn't even care.

* * *

Meanwhile, Spyro was curled up, fast asleep in his bed. The sun was keeping him warm, his dreams were pleasant, all was going well. Or, it was...until the sharp smell hit his nose, forcing him wide awake.

"What the?!" Gagging and covering his mouth did no use as he vomited all he had eaten the day before on the floor. "Oh, what is that SMELL?!" he cried. His eyes watering, he had to get out of there!

But leaving his room did him no good. If anything, it only made it worse!

Choking and crawling across the floor, Eruptor was trying and failing to escape; his body was so weakened from the horrible, awful stench, he barely made it down the stairs.

"Eruptor!" Spyro rushed to his friend.

"S-Spyro! H-Help me!" Eruptor coughed. "I can-I can't breathe!"

"Where's everyone else?"

"No idea! But-we gotta go! Now!"

As much as Spyro wanted to find Jet-Vac and Pop Fizz to make sure they were okay, he knew Eruptor was right. Grabbing Eruptor, Spyro flew blindly in the halls, the lack of oxygen was beginning to make him dizzy.

Finally he was able to clamber out a window, Eruptor falling from his grip just behind him, but the nightmare was far from over: left and right Skylanders were falling down, the smell now all-too overwhelming.

"What's going on?!" Spryo cried in despair. Behind him he saw Eruptor, the firey glow of his body fading out. "Eruptor?!"

"S-Spryo...so-so cold..."

"Eruptor! No! Don't leave me!"

But it was too late. Eruptor ended up getting x's in his eyes, and crumbled in Spyro's arms, dead. Barely able to move, unable to think, Spyro knew he was about to meet the same fate, and all too quickly to do anything about it. Standing on his hind legs, the mighty dragon hero bellowed his final words:

"WHAT...IS...THAT...**SMELLLLLLL?!"**

* * *

The whole disaster only took about ten minutes in total, but in the bathroom, Stealth Elf, the producer of the gas, was surprisingly the last to go. This was definitely the most embarrassing way to die she could think of...but at least she could pass with the comfort of knowing she picked her catchphrase wisely...

...she really _was_ silent but deadly.


End file.
